Archive for July, 2009

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It was another normal day at the Marvel Bullpen. Brubaker was ranting yet again about politics while Fraction was intently listening, giving empathic noises while eating a large bowl of chocolate chip cookies. Whedon was, I dunno, slaying sparkly vampires or something. PAD was off looking for another character to turn gay.

Then the door burst open. Quesada waltzed in, with a big grin on his face. “Everyone!” he shouted. “You know that I love to fuck up everybody’s favorite comics. You see, I’ve already raped and pillaged our buying public’s childhood memories, and when everyone thinks I haven’t ruined comics enough for them, I found another way to shit on people!”

Everyone stopped what they were doing. They turned their heads towards the raving Quesada. “So, who wants to write this EVENT! comic? It’ll reboot the Ultimate Universe! And it won’t make any sense at all!”

Suddenly the room fell quiet. Everyone started twiddling their fingers while shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Finally, Bendis spoke up. “I dunno Joe, after I wrote House of M and Secret Invasion, I think I’ve gotten me enough death threats to last me two more years. I have to pass this time.”

Brubaker raised his hand. “Oh no, Ed, you can’t write this.” Quesada said. “I’m hiring you to write the good stuff.” Brubaker silently left the room, and you could actually hear a loud “DAMMIT!” coming from the bathroom. Read the rest of this entry »

We interrupt your regularly scheduled mainstream comics for some VIKING CHICKS! That’s right, Welcome to the world of Northlanders. Where Invader is the preferred occupation and Rape and Pillage is their facebook.

Set in Northern Europe, this book is a series of 8-part arcs followed by 2-part short stories about the lives of the people in the different eras and occupations pre-1000AD.

The current 2-parter arc just ended with Northlanders #19; three Danish women, wives of vikings and last survivors of their village found themselves inside an old Roman stronghold after being attacked by Saxon invaders. Using their wits and what they’ve learned from their late husbands, they managed to hold off the Saxons by themselves until they found a way to escape. Girl power at it’s finest and bloodiest!

The first arc is by far, my favorite. It’s about an exiled Viking named Sven(with a name like that, how can you not like him?) and his battle to regain his birthright against his uncle, against the invading Saxons and his realization of what a Norseman truly is. Also, he’s one BADASS muthafucka.

It’s normal to see comic book heroes sweep hordes of enemies in one go, but they don’t have superpowers or batarangs at that time. Seeing regular people brutally murder and decapitate their enemies, mounting their heads on sticks to be displayed just makes me giddy(DON’T JUDGE ME).

This is Sven. Yes, he’s wearing a Stag’s head

Read the rest of this entry »

Kids, don’t go around the world feeling way too smug about yourselves. Don’t pat yourself in the back too much. Remember this: you are not as awesome as you think.

Always keep in mind that Cyclops is the owner of a jetpack…

… and you’re not.

He’s better than you are.

[Thanks, Baddie, for that awesome image. Also, I'm just recycling jokes I used in Plurk ages ago. Don't mind me.]

In non related news: non-owner of a jetpack Carlo J. Caparas became a national artist. Insert ragetoon here.

Poozer (poo-zer)

1. (n.) Refers to a rookie of the Green Lantern Corps.

2. (n.) A word whose origin is unknown and insignificant except to geeks.

3. (n.) A word whose origin was thought to be lantern drill sergeant Kilowog… until Tales of the Corps #3!

Just when I thought I wasn’t going to buy any of the previous Tales of the Corps series, I read this one and it gave me that urge to buy the whole set. (Bye bye salary which I will receive tomorrow!)

Unlike TOC 1 & 2, this only has two stories and they both feature Green Lanterns: Kilowog as a ROOKIE (and where the word POOZER comes from) and Arisia as to how she was inducted into the corps. The “final” story here is a pencilled version of Blackest Night #0 with a director’s commentary. (If you are into the philosophical stuff DC has to offer like me, you will love the last part. Again Geoff Johns, is awesome.)

This is my favorite in the series and a fitting way to end it – and it gives us the “right mindset” in our approach to reading the rest of the Blackest Night arc.

I don’t see how I can add any more info without thoroughly spoiling it: So I’ll just rate it (hahaha much easier!) – 4.5/5 stars so GO BUY IT!!!

Guys. Just when I thought I was finished gushing over the Iron Man anime, Marvel pulls another fast one on us. I mean, come on guys, when will you stop blowing our brains out with awesome?

OMG *squee* YOU GUYS.

Okay, that Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow movie sucked on so many levels (even though Bim liked it) I refuse to elaborate on it any further, but Planet Hulk I am sure to watch. How can they make Hulk punching aliens in the face suck? Please tell me you’re going to make World War Hulk, Civil War and Secret Invasion next. Pretty please?

Let me make a disclaimer: I will write 99.9% of the time about Green Lantern related topics. Which means that Ade and RJ will have to write some more to prevent our readers from choking on Geoff John’s awesome.

But I’m here to make an important accouncement so damn delayed – that out of the prospective actors I wanted to play Hal Jordan (Chris Pine, Nathan Fillion & Ryan Gosling) it was Wolverine: Origins‘ DEADPOOL who was casted: Ryan Reynolds.

Incidentally, he’s also playing as Deadpool whose movie will come out in the same year as Green Lantern. This is a first – Marvel & DC will be coming up with competing superhero movies with the same leading man. This should be interesting!

I made this post in response to the original fan cast made by ComicBookMovie which I highly suggest checking out.

Without further ado here’s my own fan list!

HUGH LAURIE as Sinestro – while I don’t watch House regularly, his experience acting as a man who just does his own thing with badass written all over it is best for the renegade character of Sinestro. The look fits too!

TINA FEY as Carol Ferris – I can sense a huge amount of Rage and Love on me on this one! My take on Carol Ferris is an independent woman character yet is very girly in nature – we don’t want them TOO manly women (e.g. Michelle Rodriguez) or killer dollz (Angelina Jolie.) Besides, Tina Fey is awesome.

OK THAT’S ALL I CAN THINK OF THAT IS SERIOUS…

Now time for the REAL Fiel’s Fan Cast!

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS as a Guardian of the Universe – the Book of Oa will become the Bro Code in universal alien language. Beware my Power, Green Lantern’s (WAIT FOR IT…) Light!!!

MR. T as Kilowog - I’M KILOWOG. AND I’M A GREEN LANTERN. YOU POOZERS YOU AIN’T GOT THE.. oh screw it Mr. T is too damn awesome for me to describe how this is gonna go…

BROCK LESNAR as Guy Gardner – remember what he did last time when he won against Frank Mir? Nuff said.

EMMA WATSON as Soranik Natu - this is forAde, so that Emma has to wear that boob-exposed GL uniform. She’ll have to get a boob job though.

and finally…

CHUCK NORRIS as Superboy-Prime – Chuck Norris was so bored that he made himself younger, put on a Superman costume and penetrated the minds of writers that gave them the idea to put him in all the comic books. After killing a lot of beings in the comic world, he’s back here. Now he’s penetrated the minds of the direcors to put SBP in the Green Lantern Movie. No one is safe.

Okay, so the San Diego Comic Con just finished this weekend, and us pissed-off people from the other side of the world are saying hi to you fuckers lucky enough to set foot in that once-a-year event where nerd dreams come true. And you don’t tell me to stop whining; buy me a plane ticket to San Diego next year and I’ll shut up.

If you still don’t agree with me, here’s a picture of Sarah Palin dancing to that Wonder Girls song.

If you think the reason why I’m fuming here is because I missed yet another load of geeky news about our favorite comics, TV shows, and movies, you’re wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

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Yes, boys and girls, Comicgasm is back! And I’m not alone this time; if you haven’t noticed it yet, Ade and Fiel gave me free handjobs and a backrub(in that order) to give them accounts so we can all make penis jokes and post shenanigans.

This blog has died and revived more than Jean Grey and Hawkman combined; hopefully, this incarnation would last longer than Hawkgirl(lol Final Crisis and Blackest Night). I hope..

I was supposed to make a review on the Legion of 3 Worlds(specifically, the conclusion), but some idiot tried saving the draft while Comicgasm’s wordpress was being updated(thanks drew!).

So yeah, Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds ended with a Shyamalan-styled TWEEST.  Kudos to Geoff Johns for making us shit bricks and indirectly insulting the reader by making SBP into the sterotypical comic book nerd that lives in his parent’s basement full of comic-related merchendise, whines a lot about EVERYTHING, a burden to his parents and of course a forum troll(JUST LIKE ME!). Geoff Johns is DA MAN!

Funny thing, the thread is very real: LINK. And it’s filled with SBP accounts and people mocking him, telling him to attack Geoff Johns and amassing a geek army to go to his house beat him up. Oh DC, you and your shenanigans. I chuckled.

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Alternate ending:

PS. I still don’t know how this tied-up to Final Crisis.

There are very few things in life that are capable of making me scream like a little girl.

One would be if Emma Watson comes over and asks to fellate me. Another is if somebody leaves “8======D” as a comment on my blog. But never before have I thought that Tony Stark will make me run around and scream like a little girl.

I’m pretty much a newbie Iron Man fan. I’ve always thought of him as a second-stringer but Bim’s incessant yakking about Iron Man made me check him out. And now I’m a total Iron Man fanboy, thanks to Bim, RDJ, and Matt Fraction (tee-hee).

Also, the 90’s cartoon was awesome. Too bad that teen Tony show, Iron Man: Armored Adventures, sucks as much as a two-cent whore on Thanksgiving (what). So I wasn’t excited when they announced the Iron Man anime. Well, I’ve never really paid attention until they released the trailer:

So. I’ll give you a few minutes to scrape your brain off the wall behind you, because I’m sure your head’s been pretty much blown to bits. By the way, Warren Fucking Ellis is writing this.

IN OTHER NOT-SO-INTERESTING NEWS: The Wolverine trailer, with bishonen Logan-chan, is uninteresting. Maybe if they cut the stupid mullet?

What do you guys think?

I only said that because he’s one of my favorite lanterns – and that I have the black ring see see???

Now if you have been deceptively lured into reading this post because of that title, well I would like to apologize for you having to see my picture too.

Anyways, I’m here to write for a good friend back at RarelyOrdered (food blog) voluntarily as he probably mind-controlled me to love comics.

My posts back at my personal blog were getting cluttered – from writing about so many different things I figured the comics part of my entries will have a better home here.

Anyways if you if you wanna get back at me, you can comment some profanity on my personal blog GoToHellwithFiel.