Hey there sports fans. This is Ade, and I’ve finally found the time to sit down and review some comics for you guys. I noticed that DC’s getting massive coverage in this here blog (and it shouldn’t be a surprise, really, considering three out of three editors here are big DC fans).

So I’m going to make it a point to review as many Marvel Comics here as humanly possible. And this week, I’m going to review the two Ultimate Comics that came out this week.

You see, these comics are peculiar. The Ultimate line, after that godawful crossover called Ultimatum (the less said about it the better, really), has been rebranded as “Ultimate Comics.” Personally, I find the rebranding a bit weird, but I can’t really put my finger on it.

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss the merits of Marvel’s latest rebranding effort. We’re here to talk about comics!

Ultimate Comics Avengers #1

Before anything else, why is Thor black and bald now?

Hot damn , Carlos Pacheco’s art is amazing. I’ve been a fan of his work, and this issue just reaffirms my total love of his pencils. I’m so glad he went back to the old realistic designs of the Ultimates 1 & 2.

Story-wise, this is a typical Millar snarkfest. Case in point:

Check out Captain America’s nuanced, mature, dialogue.

Okay, I admit I haven’t followed the Ultimate Universe that much, and I just read this comic to see how they’ll set things right after Ultimatum.

Anyway, nothing much happens here. Aside from a meta comment by Millar on how WTF-ish Ultimatum is, this is a solid fight issue involving two helicopters, Hawkeye going batshit crazy by refusing to wear parachutes, and Captain America throwing people off high places (and probably killing them).

The big twist in this comic is at the very last page. It explains why the Red Skull talks like some retarded internet troll instead of the awesome evil genius that he is in 616. Also, seeing Dickhead!Steve Rogers getting his ass handed to him is a bonus.

Maybe I’m just used to seeing the Avengers all, idunno, well mannered and shit that seeing that they’re all big assholes in here is kind of a big departure for me.

But at least they’re not decapitating random people and eating corpses anymore.

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1

I loathe Bendis’ work on 616 Avengers, but he sure makes Ultimate Spidey the best version in any Marvel Universe now. I love how Pete gets a job in a fast-food joint and he gets screamed on by a deaf old lady. This is how Spider-Man should be written: pile up the trivial inconveniences on him, and let him whine away. (This is the part where I’ll resist bitching about One More Day) But hey, at least he’s hot goth girl Gwen Stacy to make out with.

Anyway, Bendis piles up the funny shit here, and introduces some villain who I honestly don’t recognize in the 616 world. He’s invulnerable, has a head made of fire, and he likes to disappear whenever the cops arrive. Ultimte Comics Spider-Man #1 is off to a good start. It’s not much of a jumping point to new readers (or like me, semi-new readers), but I like it.

Also, the art. They look like they’re from Penny Arcade or something. I like how they’re all cartoony here; it totally drives home how lighthearted this book is supposed to be (except for the fact that people tend to cuss all the time) but why is Spider-Man all melonheaded or something?

Bonus Juvenile Cover Observation:

Spidey just totally came in front of The Hulk.

Ade Magnaye

Ade is the hero Comicgasm deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

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