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Okay. Guys, this is real. I am not kidding. Those guys at Archie Comics are going to create a Jersey Shore mash-up, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Reggie (who is a big douchemuncher to begin with) will rechristen himself as “The Complication,” and get six-pack abs. More from StyleList:

Archie’s red hair is gelled up into a Pauly D do, and newcomer Cheryl Blossom (now known as Snookums) sports an impressive pouf that would make Snooki proud. Betty, Veronica, Jughead, and the rest of their gang will also undergo similar transformations, and an Archie Comics rep tells StyleList that Veronica’s parents, Mr. Lodge and Mrs. Lodge, get made over “Jersey Shore”-style too!

Now I can’t decide if this is the greatest thing ever or if this is a sign that the fall of Western Civilization is at hand.

Archie Comics is no stranger to pop-culture references (have you seen all those dated 70′s pop-culture jokes they still publish in those Digests?) but this is like the first time they’ve published something that’s not at least six years obsolete. I mean, wow. And of all the things they have to use, they had to choose fucking Jersey Shore? I don’t know if they’re doing this as a spoof or if they’re really in love with Jersey Shore, but I’m reading this once it comes out.

Okay, the Archie universe is beginning to be as convoluted as DC and Marvel.

According to Canada.com (lol), Archie’s married adventures in the future are far from over.

Back in May, it was revealed Archie would finally ditch his wishy-washy Riverdale High School persona and get hitched. The pronouncement caused a huge media buzz and led to editorial columns debating the virtues of marrying the pleasant, blond Betty versus hooking up with Veronica, the often-bad-tempered brunette.

Well, it seems the redhead with the checkerboard hair is living some sort of a six-part dreamlike existence in which he is walking down a road called Memory Lane. In the first scenario, released in an edition last month, Archie walks toward a fork in the road and turns left, allowing him to see his life after a marriage to Veronica. This time, he walks to the right and envisions a future with Betty as his bride. In each sequence, Archie ends up with twins.

Also, from NY Times:

This alternative future will be a relief to the fans who reacted negatively to the marriage to Veronica. “The polls that I’ve seen ran about 80/20, Betty over Veronica, with Jughead continually coming in a strong third,” said Mr. Uslan, a comic-book historian.

LOL.

Ok, so now that Archie Comics have introduced the concept of alternate timelines in their universe, epic major crossover anyone?

Know what I think? I think Archie Comics should’ve just stuck to their guns with the Archie-Ronnie marriage and came up with a married Archie spinoff. Now that’s something I would want to read.

And if they feel that they can’t get Archie out of the marriage without aging him, there’s always Mephisto.

P.S. I fear that Archie comics may jump the shark after all of this.

Hey guys, the reviews are back. I’m taking a break from my “pleasuring Comicgasm’s secret harem of hot and willing women” duties to take some time to actually read some comics and write a review.

By the way, if you haven’t heard yet, Comicgasm is a finalist in the 2009 Philippine Blog Awards! We’d like to thank our readers (both of you) and our mothers for constantly visiting this blog. And because we’re going to party like it’s 1993 after this review, I’m going to put on my YAY! face.

This is my YAY! face

Amazing Spider-Man #606

As usual, Peter Parker’s problems pile up and he’s all mister whiney mcdouche again. But it doesn’t mean we can’t sit back and enjoy and say “whew, am I ever so glad that shit isn’t happening to me.” (continue reading…)

Apparently we made it into the finals of the Philippine Blog Awards 2009 <– Click here to see us in the list!

While I honestly don’t EXPECT us to win, I do HOPE!

Such is me in my blue lantern shirt:

But hope isn’t enough of course! Comicgasm would have never made it into the finals if it weren’t for us being awesome in one way or another. We sure ain’t gonna win if we just sit back and scratch our balls while staring at the sky as w usually do. Sure we delay posts 80% of the time – but really, what made us into the finals I wonder?

So I sought to describe Comicgasm and I learned that we are awesome because of a few things that we are. Some of these are essential truths that make up the fabric of the universe itself and cannot be defied! Deny them at your own cost.

COMICGASM FACTS:

-The name of Comicgasm was derived from two words: comics and orgasm. Therefore, whenever we post, someone has an orgasm.

-Contrary to popular belief, there is explicit nudity & visual sex scenes in DC, Marvel & Archie comics. Comicgasm simply chooses to keep those pages to ourselves. (See Justice League: Cry for Justice #2 and Archie #601)

- It is a well known fact that only three organisms in the world have pleasure when they have sex: Man, dolphins & Comicgasm.

- When Darkseid hits you with his Omega ray, you don’t die. You just Comicgasm.

- Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice – but only because he was trying to measure the amount of testosterone in Comicgasm.

- Superboy-Prime thought Comicgasm was stupid. Therefore the Legion of Three Worlds exists.

- DC & Marvel once disapproved a superhero idea inspired by Comicgasm’s awesome claiming the character was too powerful. Instead it was turned into a joke. We now know this as the Chuck Norris Facts.

- The modern Marvel comic book series no longer mentions the Infinity Gems. This is because Comicgasm has paid Marvel not to reveal where we get our awesome.

- Disney bought Marvel so they can finally have enough money to pay Comicgasm for Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen body.

- The Nick Fury character was based on Samuel L. Jackson. The Samuel L. Jackson character was based on Comicgasm.

- The Green Lanterns recite an oath from the guardians. The Guardians recite an oath from Comicgasm.

- Comicgasm confronts the Guardians of the Universe with a Poke’ball and shouts “I choose you!”

- A member of Comicgasm has in fact met, sat down and chatted with Neil Gaiman – without knowing who he was. (and got him addicted to calamansi juice – see proof here.)

- When Alan Moore once got writer’s block in coming up with a character for his novel, he read Comicgasm. Inspired he created Dr. Manhattan.

- Comicgasm designed the costumes of Power Girl & Black Canary and hates the design of Wonder Woman’s costume – saying it ain’t revealing enough.

- When the Hulk gets angry, he gets bigger. When Comicgasm gets horny, he gets BIGGER.

- Comicgasm was supposed to be superhero – but we refused to wear spandex. Not because we don’t like spandex, but because we ALWAYS have a hard-on.

- Comicgasm won a hard-on contest with The Thing.

- Comicgasm won a staring contest with Daredevil.

- Comicgasm has retractable claws but no healing factor. We don’t need it. We like bleeding awesome.

- Comicgasm owns Dominic Ochoa’s long lost twin brother.

AND THAT’S IT. I finally know what lead us to this place so far!

If you have any more Comicgasm facts, pls pls COMMENT! XD

Oh look, it’s Friday, and that means us Comicgasm monkeys have to write reviews to satisfy your comic book urges! Even if our reviews are a day late so it really won’t mean anything because I’m pretty sure you’ve already read these issues and our opinions would be pretty much superfluous! How’s this for a filler intro!

First, apologies for the lack of articles. You see, RJ, Fiel and I have been stuck in the mountains of Tibet where we discovered a secret tribe of hot Tibetan women. The welcome fellatio we received from them was so intense this blog actually stopped churning updates.

To make it up for you, Lady Bullseye and I have set up this little slapstick routine, where one of us ends up with a concussion…

Thanks for taking one for the team, Lady Bullseye! (continue reading…)