Iron Man 2 came, went, made gazillions of money, made geeks orgasm, and probably left the non-nerd part of the audience scratching their heads in bewilderment. Critics have panned this movie to high heavens, while nerds continued to orgasm all the way to the third viewing. But who cares? Comicgasm editors RJ and Ade weigh in on how awesome or stupid the movie is.

WARNING: this review contains major spoilers for Iron Man 2.

Ade: Okay, so, honestly I thought Iron Man 2 was a tighter movie than its predecessor. It’s got better action sequences, the movie didn’t lose any steam by the third act, and oh my goodness they seem to have an actual script this time. Although I can’t definitely say that it’s a better movie than the first one; there’s absolutely no way any scene in Iron Man 2 can defeat the glorious origin story of the first movie.

RJ: Suffering from conjunctivitis, my eyes were leaking mucopurulent discharge non-stop. I had to force my right eye to not swell for the duration of this film with willpower alone. Anything moderately bright burns my eyes, but all those explosions were totally worth not being able to see after the movie!

Ade: Um, okay, RJ. Thanks for that… insightful and way too revealing bit of information. So if anyone went to Iron Man 2 and ended up with conjunctivitis, it’s RJ’s fault. Anyway, before I go on with this scholarly review of the film, may I complain about Oliva Munn’s cameo? I was hoping that she’d be all hot like The Scarlet Witch or The Wasp, but no, she had to end up as a reporter. Way to go, Marvel, great way to waste talent. What I’m saying, Marvel, is that Olivia Munn needs to be dressed up as a hyper-sexualized superheroine that will claim to be for the benefit of the fairer sex but in reality it’s just an excuse for her to be in a skin-tight latex costume with her cleavage showing for us nerds to ogle at. Mmmm. Tits.

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Now that the decade is about to end, the Comicgasm staff will walk you through the worst comics of 2000-2009 and why they suck.

Ultimatum is what happens when you get Magneto to reverse the magnetic poles, flood New York, and practically kill half the superhuman population. He’s killing people because A ROBOT WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH THE SCARLET WITCH KILLED HER, SPARKING A BATTLE THAT ULTIMATELY KILLED QUICKSLIVER TOO. Everybody goes crazy and THEY KILL ONE ANOTHER IN THE BLOODIEST, MESSIEST, AND CRAPPIEST WAY POSSIBLE because this is a realistic world and it’s grim and gritty, right? Also, throw in some characters who EAT CORPSES JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT even though they’ve never shown any signs of cannibalism before. (continue reading…)